When NOT to Have a Serious Conversation With Your Spouse


“Sweetie, I want to have another baby.”

Whoa! That’s a loaded statement for some couples and ought to be followed by some serious discussion.

Determining the when, where, and how of important conversations with your husband is going to require some skill and foresight. How many times have I started talking with my husband about a weighty issue only to feel frustrated because I didn’t wait for the right moment!

So, if you need to have a heart-to-heart with the hubby, don’t do it during these times.

When He’s Watching TV or Reading

It’s obvious you don’t have his undivided attention during this time, so don’t even try. But, if it is an issue you really need to discuss, respectfully ask him if he can pause from his activity to have a talk with you.

When You’re About to Sleep

This is classic, right? You turn off the lights, kiss each other good night, and at the exact instance that your husband is about to enter deep sleep mode, you tap him on the shoulder because you have a pressing issue that just needs to be resolved at that moment. Unless, you hear an intruder in the next room, the matter can probably wait.

When He Just Gets Home From Work

As soon as my husband walks through the door, everyone is clamoring for his attention. Not only would I be competing with my children, but my husband just needs time to settle his mind. At the very least, we need to give the man a chance to change out of his work clothes.

When You Have to Do It Via Text Messages

Smart phones may be the current trend of our times, but a good talk needs to happen the old-fashioned way. And while you’re putting that phone down, you may want to turn it off to avoid being distracted by your Facebook alert.

On the phone.

When the Kids are Around

They may seem to be totally engrossed in their newest toy, but kids hear. Don’t underestimate the little ones too. So, be careful what you say around them. If it needs to be a private conversation, wait until they go to bed.

When You’re at a Party

There are way too many distractions when you’re at a party, and there’s a high likelihood that your conversation will get interrupted, making it awkward for everyone.

When One of You is Driving

Some people can have serious talks while driving, but I really think that it would be too distracting for the driver. Not to mention the fact that you’re not really making eye contact with each other. You may as well be both looking down at your phones while having the conversation.

Arguments in Motion

When You Just Had a Fight

After a fight, I’m not one that can handle the silent treatment for very long, but I need to make sure there is ample time for both of us to simmer down. Otherwise, the attempt at having a serious dialogue will erupt into another fight instead of ending in a resolution.

If it’s a conversation that needs to happen, take special care before you begin.

What is your advice for having effective communication with your spouse?


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16 thoughts on “When NOT to Have a Serious Conversation With Your Spouse

    1. Some of these suggestions would be good when trying to talk to your kids too! Picture trying to explain the importance of cleaning their room while they’re zoned out in front of the TV. 🙂

  1. I agree with all of these! We have actually made prepping dinner our adult conversation time. Not hard ones just general ones. He either sits with me in the kitchen or if we are grilling out I sit our back with him. This opens the door for more difficult conversations in the future.

  2. I’m sorry to say it’s taken me 14 years of marriage to learn these rules. I’m so guilty of jumping on him as he’s getting out of the car after work. But really, unless someone has died, it can wait 🙂
    The car actually does work for us pretty well.

  3. Oh, I do have suggestion, we have some really great talks while we’re working in the garden together side-by-side. It’s relaxing and we both seem to hear and focus better when we’re in the garden 🙂 even though our hands are busy.

    1. Great idea! Doing something relaxing together while discussing important issues can minimize the possible stress and tension from those issues.

  4. Haha. This title made me laugh because I am guilty SO often of bringing up things to talk about when we are about to go to bed. In my defense, it seems like it is often the first quiet moment of the day together so I start thinking of things I want to discuss. I’m trying to curb the habit though! 😉

    1. This is what I do most often too! Just did it last night, and since my husband reads my blog, he reminded me of this post. 🙂 We probably do some of our best thinking after lights out.

  5. You nailed this! I have tried to tell ladies that a lot of times their husbands are not really hearing them because their timing is off or they are just in a crazed emotional state trying to approach their significant other. A man rarely hears you if you’re hysterical, because he’s just trying to figure out how to get you to stop rather than taking in your words. If you don’t have his undivided, settled down attention…he also isn’t really going to absorb what you say. It’s hard to wait sometimes, especially if your husband is as constantly busy as mine, but if it’s truly important, it can usually wait for the time and mood to be correct. You may have to MAKE the time, but you have to think it through.

    1. Yep, it’s often a blessing when we have to pause and reconsider before approaching our husbands because we sometimes need a timeout to get our emotions under control.

  6. I’m with Jennifer! It’s taken me SO many years to really understand the importance of timing! And I have one more that I am guilty of every so often: Bringing up something right before he LEAVES for work! *He’s* frustrated because he is trying to focus on getting ready and being in “work mode,” and I’m frustrated because he’s about to leave. NOT a good time to talk! 😛

    1. You bring up a good point. If we don’t take into account the right timing, both parties will be frustrated.

  7. I think these are great tips/ideas. We have our serious conversations I think mostly when we’re in the car or at night. Usually though, it’s a mutually agreed time and if it isn’t then asking the other person to hold off works. We talk so often about so much that our serious conversations happen in spurts – spurts when things come up about a topic that we want to mention to the other. That’s just us though. 🙂

    Stopping over from Whatever Wednesday!

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