One of the most common tension builders in a marriage relationship is a wife’s continual display of disrespect towards her husband. In her book, For Women Only, What You Need to Know About the Inner Lives of Men [affiliate link], Shaunti Feldhahn surveyed 400 men in the U.S., and one of the results shows “Men would rather feel unloved than inadequate and disrespected.” Often, women are not even aware of this. I wasn’t until my husband very gently pointed it out to me.
So, in an effort to lessen our attitudes and actions of disrespect and sweeten our marriage relationships, let us be vigilant and watchful of 5 ways you can disrespect your husband.
Questioning His Decisions
There’s nothing wrong with asking a question or two to get some information. But, when every decision that your husband makes is highlighted by rays of doubt from you, he’s gonna get the sense that you have no faith in him at all.
Doing Everything (Because You Don’t Trust Him to Do It Your Way)
There’s a fine line between being your husband’s suitable helpmate and being a control freak. In the beginning of our marriage, I did our finances. I paid the bills, kept track of our budget, and did all our taxes. When my husband decided he wanted to take care of all our family’s finances, I cringed. I realized that not only did I not want to let go of this task, I also did not trust my husband to handle it properly. And, in the beginning, he missed some bills and went over the budget on some things, but I refrained from saying, “I told you so.” He really grew through that time, and now he does a way better job than I ever did on handling our finances.
Making Decisions Without Consulting Him First
I don’t mean the everyday decisions of managing your household. Obviously, you probably don’t need to ask him what you should feed the kids for lunch or what you should buy at the grocery store. But, major decisions, especially ones that would have a significant effect on the whole family, should not be something you make alone. Positively, seeking counsel from your husband regarding a major decision is a great way to show him that you do respect him.
Talking About Him in a Negative Way
When women get together, the range of topics of conversation usually include children, food, health, and husbands. You may not have intended to speak negatively about your husband, but when one person starts her complaint, it’s not long before others follow suit. Though he is not present, speaking about him disrespectfully to others will likely affect how they see him.
Arguing in Public
There’s nothing more awkward than being around a couple, who is arguing. Even in the absence of a full-blown fight, a husband and wife who are disagreeing in public can become an uncomfortable setting to those around them. Perhaps there’s a greater motivation for each person to emerge as the victor in the disagreement because there’s an audience present. But, if the matter is not urgent, consider postponing the discussion to a more opportune time (like in private).
I can testify that in all the occasions that I have offended my husband, 90% of that is because I have manifested some show of disrespect. And he can also testify that disrespect in general is one of the main things that can get under his skin. Of course, when that disrespect comes from those closest to him (his wife and children), the sting hurts even more. Our husbands aren’t perfect, and neither are we. I know it may take some pride-swallowing on our part, but by seeking to respect our husbands more, we will grow in this very special relationship.
Can you think of other ways that women disrespect their men?